Things I May Have To Explain To My Grandchildren

...whilst they pull incredulous faces.

It struck me that as strange as I find the world we live in and as much as I marvel at Earth's inhabitants and their breath taking stupidity (for the most part); my Grandchildren (should I be blessed in the future to have them) will find our world (as we know it now) even stranger.

Are there enough brackets in this paragraph for you? I am very pleased and think that I shall use as many as possible in this blog - just for fun

One of my Grandparents died before I was born. Another was a bigoted, womanizing* old fool who "left" long before he was old and before my Dad had chance to ride a scooter, let alone conceive children and One was my very best friend until I was seven when he died.**

That left one Grandparent to shoulder the responsibility for Babysis and I's quota of Grandparentness. She (my Nanna) was (and is) brilliant. She is sharp and clever, funny and has a dry wit. She is not judgemental and unfazed by most things.She's also very interesting to talk to and writes the most beautiful letters to me.

The one thing I remember being unsatisfied by (as a child) when speaking to anyone of an older generation than myself, is when I asked "but why did you [drive cars with no seatbelts]? , quite often the reply would be "because we did, that's just the way it was".

That's children isn't it? They are inquisitive and want to know why, why, why. Why do we have clocks? Why do we drive on a different side of the road to the French? Why is it OK for an adult to drink milk from a cow, but not from a human's boobies?(recent question from one of my own lovely offspring)...you get the picture.

So I was thinking: what will my Grandchildren ask me? What will I have to explain to them? The intrinsic workings of a Telephone with a wire? "No mobile technology when I was a girl, kiddo!"

Perhaps the Bilbo will make it to the year 2037, perhaps not. But if I have to describe it in full detail, will I be up to the job? What does it do again?

Maybe I will be in a position where I have to describe a time when Cane Toads didn't overrun Australia, that "back in 2007" you only found them in certain states of Australia, but we didn't know how to cull them, so they just kind of took over the country. hmmn. How topical!

Non Digital Cameras!

Imagine the scene - Attractive but mature looking sixty something (think Sophia Loren) talks to alarmingly acute and attractive, [they're my Fantasy Grandchildren, I am allowed to have high expectations] year 2037 eight year old. Digital Cameras will be pretty flash by then, if they haven't already been superseded by something new...how am I going to explain that we used to put a roll of shiny parchment into the back of the camera in order to manipulate the light from the viewfinder to burn an image directly onto the "special paper", but in negative form, only to have them printed onto more "special paper" by way of chemicals that would burn your skin and a process of dipping the second type of "special paper" into trays full of chemicals in a fully darkened room. Flippin Heck, really, I am going to have to explain this shit away?:

"yes, darling, we used to pop it in just there [I will gesture], without letting the sunlight get to it, then we used to press a button that wound the film around a little cog within the camera itself...yes, around the same area that you have your Retina Recognition Widget with Super Fly Lazer Sight Correction System these days, that's right". Phew!

I think it is likely that I will explain that in 2007 most families could afford to run one if not two cars each. People didn't pool cars in the same way as they do "now" in 2037, because the damage we were doing to the planet wasn't instantly recognisable like it is "now".

I hope that I don't have to describe a time when children didn't all carry Tazer guns for protection like they do "now".

I wonder if I will have to describe what a prison is/was and how it works - the incredulous looks and the "what? you locked people into big houses on the mainland and paid money out of your own pocket for them to stay there? And then you ran out of room because there were too many bad people? The olden days were wierd Noni"***are much anticipated.

Will I have to describe a cigarette? A small stick that contains many chemicals, but also contains tobacco which makes you feel "nice" when you inhale the fumes from the unlit end? "you put a burning stick in your mouth Noni? and it was killing you? Why?"

Answer: "people just did, it was how it was".

Suggestions welcome.

Answers on a postcard please (...or just leave a comment, as you don't have an address for a postcard).




* "Womanizing" is a probably a little bit much. He cheated on my Grandmother with his German Interpreter. He then spent the rest of his life with said German Interpreter and lived happily ever after, 10,000 miles away from the rest of us. He never saw fit to share the "happy ever after" with any member of his immediate family. I guess that makes him an Arsehole. I guess this also makes me Bitter.

**I thought of nicer ways to put this, but them be the facts.

***I have decided that this is what my Fantasy Grandchildren call me